Anita Silva is a Portuguese creative trainer, consultant and… clown. She has extensive experience in non-formal education approaches in Higher Education, community projects, youth work and in the private sector. She studied Creativity and Innovation and loves to take people and organisations on a journey outside of their own boxes. She is the founder of Clowncare, a non-profit NGO that promotes the well-being of senior managers in a variety of organisations through the art of clowning. She is also the director of Team MAIS, a consulting company that helps organisations to take learning, creativity and innovation a step further.
How did you feel prior to the Process?
I heard about it from a friend who recommended it. To be honest I was a little sceptical beforehand; I didn’t have a great perception of self-development retreats, based on the experience of friends who’d been on them. However, I did my research and, once I realised that people like Dr Gabor Maté highly recommended the Process and that it was based on sound psychological principles, I booked myself on the course.
Just before, I was quite anxious. At that time I was quite confused about what I wanted to do with my life. I felt a bit stuck, and this was tinged with shame from being in a position of teaching about self-development, having had therapy and yet still felling lost, despite this.
How did you find the Process?
Despite my initial scepticism, the Process was beyond amazing and I found it valuable on so many levels. It allowed me to have a deep dive into ‘me’ and my emotions. My life as a facilitator is very much ‘on the go’, so I particularly appreciated the luxury of spending a week on myself and having the time to go deep and explore all aspects of myself.
The course is beautifully designed and facilitated and there were many lightbulb moments for me. I’m quite a self-aware person but I realised that my understanding of my patterns was actually misguided. For example, my facilitator helped me understand that what I thought was a lack of motivation was really a pattern of insecurity about making choices. That pattern of insecurity combined with a harsh inner critic was stopping me moving forward. Working on this has really had a positive impact in my life.
Is there one thing that particularly stood out for you?
One thing I found super enlightening was rediscovering my inner creativity. ‘Creativity’ is one of my passions and yet I realised that I wasn’t accessing it properly. The Process made me realise that creativity really is my gateway to success. However, I had forgotten how to use it and the week really gave me the time and space to access this part of myself. I fully tapped into my imagination and my emotions whilst on the course and I have taken this gift back into my work.
The expressive work we did on the course was particularly useful in this respect. I generally learned to use my body more and I recognised what great wisdom I have hidden within. I think overall, I’ve learnt to embody my creativity more than I’ve ever done before.
How has the Process impacted your daily life/work?
It’s given me a greater awareness of my behaviour and how it impacts others. I’m much better at re-framing things now. I’m getting quicker at checking in with myself. I now pause, question my assumptions, look at if I’m operating from a pattern and re-evaluate the situation/response if needs be. I’m basically more ‘fluent’ in the language of patterns and how they affect me and others. It has really helped me be kinder and more compassionate, particularly to those from different cultures and backgrounds. I’ve also shared that compassion with others. I work with people who can be combative in the work they do e.g. activists, educators and social workers. The things I learnt from the Process allow me to help them be more compassionate towards themselves and carry this compassion forward in the work that they do. These people tend to neglect themselves in the pursuit of their cause. I help them gain balance, as burnout is the last thing we want for people who do such extraordinary work.
Which parts of the course do you recall most?
I recall so much from the course – the visualisations, the Quad Checks, the sessions we did on our parents, the silences and just generally being in a group of supportive people and feeling the closeness and vulnerability of those people. The expressive sessions were amazing, and I felt very proud of myself by being fully present in these. As a trained facilitator, I was worried that I might slip into the role of being an observer to the group. I had to switch priority and allow myself to give 100% to fully being a participant. It’s the first time in my life when I let go to that extent. The expressive work was exhausting but also beautiful and I will never forget the feeling of relief and release I got at the end of these sessions.
The visualisations really helped me tap into my imagination in a way I’d never done before, taking me to places filled with real wisdom. I had a feeling of uncovering layers of myself that had previously been hidden. I figured that I could turn my creativity inward and explore my unknown bits. When I do Quad Checks now, I really let go and access my imagination and my wise self. It is really quite profound.
I also recall the facilitators who were so present and nurturing in their interactions. The amount of preparation they do comes across as real love and care. I felt very well held, very safe and very cared for. The nurturing aspect was also backed up by the food in the venue and the venue itself which was amazing.
Have there been any major changes in your life since doing the Process?
There have been so many positive changes in my life. I’m much more present now and have a better balance in my life. I listen to my body and emotional needs more than I ever did before. I became kinder and more compassionate. I realised that I’d neglected my creative side and am now doing more painting, writing and dancing. I made more space in my life for this, recognising its importance to me. I’ve become more discerning in my friendships. Some have deepened and grown, and others have dwindled as I realise who lights me up and who I want to spend time / share my affection with.
Overall, after doing the Process, I can honestly say that I am much calmer and less at war with myself. I am more connected to my inner landscape and have an overriding feeling of peace.
Has it impacted your family relationships in any way?
Before I went on the course, I didn’t want to tell my Mum about the exact nature of it, so I described it as a retreat to help me decide about my work priorities. Strangely, she had a sort of sixth sense about the work I was doing that week. She wrote me a letter every day when I was on the Process about me, my childhood and my relationship with her. In a way, she did the Process with me! Due to my disruptive childhood, we’d always had a strong connection in the form of a survival bond and the Process brought us even closer together.
Which Hoffman tools or techniques do you use now?
I find lots of the tools useful. I am committed to doing a daily Quad Check. I use the recycling tool to help me deal with unwanted patterns and I’ve started to journal again. I feel that I have an inherent sense of gratitude which wasn’t there before. When I get stuck with anything in life now, I know I can go back to the tools and use them effectively to help me deal with issues. This has aided me both personally and professionally. Of course, I still have days when I don’t feel so happy, I’m only human! However, I can often re-frame this now and recognise that I can choose a different road for the day.
What would you say to anyone thinking of doing the Process?
My advice would be, ‘If you are ready to be accountable to yourself, then go for it’. You need to be curious and open to do the work and then you’ll benefit hugely.
You were awarded a scholarship (part payment towards the course). What did this mean to you?
I had wanted to do the Process for many years and this gave me the opportunity to do the course at a time when I was at a real crossroads in my life. I am very grateful for the opportunity. Not only has it helped me, but it has also had a positive impact on the people I work with. It has definitely improved my approach and ability at work and my clients have benefitted from this.
To read more about Anita’s work, visit www.clowncare.pt or linkedin.com/in/anita-silva1/ on LinkedIn
To find out more about the Hoffman Scholarship Fund, click here
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