I came across the Hoffman Process when I was in my thirties. Career-wise, things were going really well. I enjoyed running a salon and day spa in London which I’d built from scratch to the point where I employed a team of 14 employees – but my personal life was another story. A really upsetting divorce was followed by another devastating break-up, which left me very low and depressed. Through it all I’d been to counselling, taken part in retreats and also tried the Landmark Forum personal development programme, all of which helped, but feeling able to trust again still eluded me. I knew I wanted to change certain aspects of my relationships with others and also with myself.
In one of those moments of synchronicity, a friend mentioned the Hoffman Process. She said it was the best thing she’d ever done. She was so happy to be aware of the negative parenting patterns she’d inherited, so she could avoid passing them to her own children. Listening to her talk about how it had enabled her to deal with her own relationships, I decided to take the time out and invest in the Process for myself.
The course asks you to fill out a kind of emotional biography of your childhood before you come. In my case, my parents split up when I was 6 years old, which heralded a drastic change in my family situation. The result was quite an unconventional upbringing with four siblings and rather complicated family dynamics. Distinctly lacking in confidence, I was an extremely shy child and only came out of my shell in my teens.
Not knowing what was coming next on the Process allowed me to finally relax, let go of worrying and needing to control. Every part of the Process is thought out and orchestrated in such a clever way I knew that every part of me would be taken care of and I was able to rediscover trust. It was a big investment both time-wise and financially, but the effects it had on my life were so profound and my relationships improved so much, that it was well worth it. I’ve recommended Hoffman to many others.
Because of the personal nature of what we all went through, our group formed a really close bond and I made some life-long friends. I still use some of the tools we learnt on Hoffman which help with anything that still surfaces.
It truly is the best and most intensive retreat I’ve ever done. It included so many different therapeutic approaches, some of which I related to more strongly than others, meaning that there was something for every aspect of myself. It gave me a chance to locate the patterns formed in my childhood and release them, so that they no longer ruled my present.
My personal life is now back on track and I have a beautiful relationship with a partner of two years standing. My relationship with my parents also totally changed post-Hoffman. I’m much softer, less angry and more understanding and compassionate, which also helps with my current client work as a Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapist.
Hoffman also helped in an area I wasn’t expecting – a major creative goal that’s now come to fruition. I drew on all the confidence that I’d gained from the course to overcome the challenges I faced during the writing and publishing of my first book Unlimited: 7 Habits to Unleash Your Full Potential & Get the Life You Want.
Well, I said I wanted change and life definitely looks different now!
Becca’s Top Tip:
Three steps to connect to your own compassion for yourself and others:
- Remember that everyone does the best they can with the knowledge and experience they have. If your parents weren’t told that they were loved by their parents, they may find it difficult to voice their love for you – it doesn’t mean they love you any less.
- Forgive yourself- you can’t always do things perfectly- your best is enough.
- Put yourself ‘in their shoes’. When you see or experience an action that you don’t like from someone, try to see it from their perspective, as well as your own.