Attending the Hoffman Process gave me a whole new perspective and was truly life-changing in so many ways.
Before doing the course, I’d experienced several upheavals that had really impacted my happiness. Until about 10 years ago I worked in marketing and communications and felt fulfilled professionally. I was married and had three children, one in her early teens and two under 10. It was during this time that we decided to move country, initially to England and latterly to Spain.
During this period in my life I was making decisions from a very rational perspective and letting my intellect rule everything. On paper, the move abroad appeared to be a good one. Sadly, I hadn’t factored in my heart’s desires and my emotions into the decision. Despite living in lovely areas and being surrounded by nice people, it just wasn’t home and I missed my friends and extended family terribly.
Fast-forward a few years and the full impact of the move was apparent. There was general a sense of unhappiness in our household and I knew that I wasn’t showing up as my best self. I was not at all equipped to deal with the emotions that were coming up for me, or to be fully present for my husband or my children. Initially, I tried therapy and EMDR, which helped to some degree. However, it felt like I was only peeling off the outer layer of the onion and that there were many more layers to peel for me to really understand myself. I needed something to help me do this. I’d heard about Hoffman from an article I’d read and, after I looked at the website, I signed up to do the Process.
Where do I start to explain an experience that has been so positive and transformative in my life? I suppose the most fundamental shift is in how I see myself now – I like and love myself so much more than I did before. That sounds like a cliché, but it really is true and impacts me and those around me in so many ways; I’m happier in myself and everyone benefits. My family have noticed the change.
I hadn’t realised how much I previously operated from a position of feeling ‘not good enough’ – for my friends, my husband, my children – which made it difficult to be me with at times. The ‘new me’ gives myself what I deserve and the ‘not good enough me’ is banished to the past. I am confident in making the right choices and spending time with the right people.
My playful side has emerged; I’m different and less predictable. I approach life in a more light-hearted way. This is the first year that I’ve been skiing and actually enjoyed it. I seem to have lost many of my anxieties. For example, I was always afraid of jumping in pools. I’m now less fearful; I made the family laugh a lot when I was jumping in and out of the swimming pool on holiday this year.
Recalling the playful moments from the Process week brings a big smile to my face. I made a commitment to myself to seek out fun things to do going forward. I’ve since joined a rock and pop choir and go every Tuesday. This brings me great joy and has the added benefit of being very healing. It’s like I now have a light within me that I need to and want to keep stoking with positive things.
The Process gave me clarity and compassion around my upbringing. My relationship with my Dad had always been strained. My parents divorced when I was 13. My Mum was ill so I found myself being the one in charge; I was the strong one. I never really forgave him for what I perceived as his betrayal of my Mum, and whilst we had contact over the years, I was always very cold towards him. During the Process week I worked hard on this and found myself having real compassion for my Dad. I made my peace with him and found it in my heart to forgive him. The upshot is that it has really helped me connect with my Dad and we now have a much better relationship. It’s a part of me that is gradually healing and I feel that a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
Listening to my body and what it’s telling me has been a key learning from the Process. I used to regularly have pain in my throat and chest. I even went to the doctor to get my heart checked when I had pains in this area. This, I now recognise, is old trauma wounds from childhood. I’ve learnt to access that inner child and talk to her in a nice, soothing voice. Now I know that it’s my inner child signalling to me. It’s been liberating to know that I can take care of myself the way I also take care of others. When I say this out loud, I have tears in my eyes. They are happy tears due to the joy of knowing that I am the best person to care for myself.
I would compare the Process to a line of dominos – once you’ve pushed one, the rest start to fall, and there’s no stopping them. It’s like someone has given me a second chance at life and I see things differently now. I’m stronger and I feel joy in so many more things. I also feel younger and I listen to my emotions and body in a way I never did before.
My advice to people who are thinking about doing the Process is definitely to go for it. It’s like getting a new pair of glasses – you don’t know how much you need them until you put them on and then everything becomes clearer and more colourful.
Thank you to Raluca for sharing her Process Story. You can find more first-hand accounts of the Hoffman Process from people who have done it here
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