When I attended the Hoffman Process I was, quite literally, in a good place. I’d recently moved out of London to a gorgeous cottage in a more rural location. I’d started work in a new clinic offering nutritional therapy and I’d begun to lead my first meditation group. To all appearances, everything was rosy.
Then, during my meditation classes, I noticed I was feeling anxious. At first, I accepted it – I hadn’t run a group in a while, so a few nerves are normal and healthy – but the longer it went on, the more I started feeling like a fraud. There was I, talking about how to manage stress and anxiety levels whilst pretending that I was totally calm, yet inside I was feeling unsettled and anxious.
I started to feel quite annoyed at myself. I felt stupid that I was running a lovely group, with great students and all I could think was ‘Why do they want to hear what I’VE got to say? What do I even really know anyway?’ This, I found out later on the Hoffman Process, is a major pattern of mine and actually, feeling like a fraud in your career is really very common.
This is also when it dawned on me that old personality patterns were surfacing. I’d been on a major journey of self-discovery the year before I moved, so I hadn’t worked much and the lack of work had started to make me feel inferior.
Resting On Your Laurels
I’ve done a lot of self-discovery over the years, but every time I undergo a transformation and feel amazing, I tend to rest on my laurels and think, ‘Well that’s it, I’ve done the work, so now I can just sit back and enjoy the glory.’ As anyone who’s done any self-development will know, that feeling doesn’t last. Sooner or later the effect wears off and my confidence and self-belief would start to spiral downwards again. Even though I might appear confident to those who know me, that’s how I’d feel inside.
Over the years, whenever I have ‘stuff’ come up, I like to deal with it swiftly and head on. I’d heard of the Hoffman Process many years before and had remembered feeling intrigued at that time by a week-long course that can have such profound effects. I felt this was finally the time to find out what Hoffman was all about.
I didn’t allow the cost to put me off. I’m a true believer that the universe has got my back, so I applied to the Hoffman scholarship fund. Part of me thought I wouldn’t even hear back from them or that if I did, it wouldn’t be for months, I did look at the next Process date and something inside me said ‘you’ll be on the next one’, even though my logical brain told that voice not to be silly.
I applied on a Monday and by the following Friday I got a call from one of the Hoffman team letting me know that yes, they were going to award me a scholarship and that the date they had available was the date my intuition had told me I was going to get! Getting off the phone I felt such a strong sense of destiny, I knew I was on the path to something pretty amazing and deeply healing.
The Process – Nowhere to Hide
I found the difference between Hoffman and work I’d done in the past was that in the Process you have nowhere to hide. You have to face yourself full on. Previously when I‘d done therapy, as hard as it was, I walked in, cried for an hour, walked out – and put the mask back on to the world. This is not to say it wasn’t valuable; without all the work I’d done previously, I wouldn’t have experienced the course in the same way. The Process was definitely what I’d been looking for and what all the previous work had led me towards.
I really needed to be in that place, with nowhere to hide. I needed to be TRULY seen and heard – for the real ME. Laura Currie.
Leaving the Process was like being a baby again, learning how to use the Hoffman tools and finding my place in life with my new-found confidence. I even felt different physically – not just mentally – as if I’d stepped into a new body, one that felt more fluid. There were no painful patterns holding and contracting my body.
I felt as if I could achieve anything, and I literally mean anything – as if there was absolutely nothing holding me back. I realised that what had been holding me back all this time was me and my self-destructive personality patterns – patterns that no longer serve me.
My Hoffman group are really supportive. We still look out for each other. We’ve probably said things to each other that we’ve never said to another soul for fear of being rejected and yet we were actually loved because of those things. It’s a unique and wonderful feeling to know that you can truly be yourself and be loved for you, rather than for the masks that we wear in order to try make people like us.
Life as Me
In the months since completing the course I feel much more me, more authentic, more true to myself, my wants and needs. Now, when I lead sessions in meditation and nutritional therapy, I’m able to get to a much deeper place with my clients. I’m able to see their drivers around food and lifestyle choices much more clearly – such a lot of it has to do with self-care and healthy boundaries.
I no longer need to plan my classes as much – I trust my instinct to be in the moment. I’m much more vulnerable and open in my work and share my own challenges when I feel it’s appropriate. I’ve discovered that people don’t want to be mentored by a perfect person but by a human being with flaws who’s trodden a similar path.
These days I speak my mind more, call people out on stuff and have much better boundaries. This was actually one of the main challenges in my life that I’d wanted to address and is one of the main areas that I’ve noticed still grows from month to month.
Confidence to be Coached
I’ve always felt that I had to do things by myself when it comes to running my company. I realised the real reason for that was this feeling of being inadequate and stupid, so I thought that hiring a coach would blow my cover! After the Process, one of the biggest changes I made was to hire a business coach who has been helping me to create a woman’s online transformational program.
Hoffman has really given me a sense of self-compassion which means I can allow people to really see me. I’m now comfortable with my flaws, they make me who I am and are just part of being a ‘work in progress’.
Laura’s top tips for authenticity:
- Be vulnerable – being vulnerable is scary because we’re showing who we really are and the things we care about. It’s mostly the fear of rejection that stops us showing this side of ourselves. But you never know who you’ll inspire by being vulnerable and real. I can pretty much assure that you’ll make a difference to someone around you. It’s like a ripple effect – they feel more comfortable being real and vulnerable, as you’ve taken the first step to say it’s OK.
- Let go – You can’t make everyone like you! You’re always going to meet people in this world that don’t like you and people who do. You have no control over this. But wouldn’t you rather be liked for who you truly are, rather than trying to people please and hide your true self? This is living half a life. You’re unique – you weren’t put here to be like everyone else so let YOUR true colours shine!
- Be yourself – this is one of the hardest things in the world. We’re so conditioned to believe that if we say what we think or feel that we‘ll be rejected. It’s this fear of rejection that keeps us wearing our masks. You may be surprised that you’ll be more respected and liked for saying what you really feel rather than what you believe other people want to hear.
- Stay true to yourself! You are here to live YOUR life – no one else’s. If you reject your own true thoughts and feelings, you’re already rejecting yourself – you don’t need anyone else to do it!
Visit Laura’s website for details of meditation classes, nutritional lifestyle coaching and wellbeing warrior groups: www.wisealchemy.co.uk
For women’s workshops, retreats and festivals, visit: www.wearewomen.org.uk